Trauma – a term that is often used in conversations, podcasts, and posts about mental health and well-being. But even though it’s popular, do we truly understand its meaning?
Commonly, trauma is associated with severe incidents – accidents, abuse, or catastrophic events. The prevailing focus is on the external event, or it is believed that it has to be something big to be significant for the person. This understanding, however, can be limiting to our understanding and overlooking the interplay between our internal experiences and childhood upbringing.
According to Gabor Maté, Canadian physician and author, “Trauma is not what happens to you, but what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you.”
The word trauma is a Greek word for wound. When you understand that, you can realise that trauma is not the event that inflicted the wound. Therefore the trauma is not the sexual abuse, the trauma is not the war. Trauma is not abandonment. The trauma is not the inability of your parents to see you for who you were. Trauma is the wound that you sustained as a result.
Our perception of ourselves and the world is deeply intertwined with how we process and make sense of traumatic events. The impact of trauma can manifest in various ways, affecting one’s self-esteem, beliefs about the world, others and oneself. It can shape our view of relationships, trust, and safety, influencing our behaviours and coping mechanisms.
Moreover, the cumulative effect of seemingly small incidents, when combined or experienced chronically, can also contribute to the development of trauma. These experiences may not fit the conventional definition of a traumatic event, yet their ongoing influence on an individual’s internal world can be profound.
Maté suggests shifting our gaze from external events to the internal realm, where the true impact of trauma unfolds. It’s a recognition that the emotional wounds are not just a result of the events themselves but rather the profound internal shifts and adaptations that occur.
Aspects of trauma
Gabor Maté identifies the following four aspects of trauma:
1. Loss of response flexibility
That is the ability to be flexible when something happens. When you’re flexible, you are not reacting – meaning you don’t act automatically or mechanically. Response flexibility is one of the functions of our prefrontal cortex – the part of the human brain that distinguishes us from other animals. The prefrontal cortex plays a crucial role in executive functions such as decision-making, problem-solving, self-control, and contributing to emotional regulation and social behaviour.
For example if someone cuts you off in traffic if you’re reacting most probably you’ll get mad and say something like:”What an idiot! Can’t he see that I am here? My day is ruined now!”. However, if you have response flexibility and you are responding, you might say: “Oh, this guy must be really stressed today” or simply “I didn’t like that” – but you’re not reacting and this won’t ruin your mood or day.
Trauma diminishes your capacity for response flexibility. Traffic is one simple and mundane example, but it can be seen in our relationships with our partners, family, and friends, in work and in many other situations in which we react automatically.
2. Alienation
Have you ever had the experience of having a strong gut feeling about something, you ignore it and then you feel kinda sorry about it? According to Gabor Mate, not listening to the gut feelings is actually alienation from the self.
For most of human history, we lived in hunter-gatherer tribes, out there in nature. And creatures who live out there in nature won’t survive long if they don’t listen to their own gut feelings. Even though today we live in a modern civilization, gut feelings are still valid since they’re part of our evolution and nature in general.
We were born connected to our gut feelings. And at times something happens that disconnects us from ourselves. Picture a scenario from your childhood where you had a strong gut feeling about a situation, perhaps a discomfort or a sense that something wasn’t right. However, due to external pressures or the influence of authority figures, you were compelled to disregard your intuition and conform to others’ expectations. As a result, you made choices that went against your instincts. Over time, you may notice that this pattern of dismissing your gut feelings persists into adulthood.
3. Constriction
Trauma is fundamentally about constriction – it tightens your perspective on the world and you carry a belief about it (often unconscious). For example, it’s one thing to acknowledge that the world can be harsh and another to assert that the world is harsh. Seeing the world with the potential for sorrow and joy shows a broader outlook compared to seeing the world as entirely dreadful.
The essence of trauma lies in its capacity to constrict and narrow. If something bad happens to you, but you are not constricted afterwards, you might have suffered, but you haven’t been traumatised. You’ve been traumatised not when you’ve felt pain, but when after the trauma you are more limited in your view and in your capacities to respond than you were before.
4. Difficulty to be in the present
Trauma makes it very difficult to be in the present moment. This happens because the present moment used to be too painful and we’ve learnt that it is not good for us and we don’t want to be in it. It is dissociation from the reality here and now. That’s why our minds involuntarily go to the past, the future, or some distraction – we’ve learned that the present moment is so intolerable.
People who have extreme difficulty being in the present moment have psychosis. Their minds create an alternate view of reality to keep them safe. Other people with less severe difficulty being in the present moment are diagnosed with attention deficit disorder and hyperactivity (ADHD) – in this case, the mind is jumping from one thing to another, and these people struggle to focus in the present moment. It’s important to note that this is a spectrum and all of us are somewhere on it.
Example
To illustrate the depth of Maté’s perspective, consider the example of a person raised in an emotionally neglectful environment. While there wasn’t a single traumatic event, the person didn’t get the attention he needed, he wasn’t being understood or taken care of emotionally. The constant absence of emotional attunement can lead to constriction, making it difficult for the person to express themselves authentically. How can you be authentic if, during your childhood, no one wanted to hear about your emotions?
This chronic lack of connection may also create a barrier to being fully present in the moment, as the individual carries the weight of unresolved emotional experiences.
Moreover, since trauma alters the beliefs about the world and ourselves, this person would see the world through a distorted lens – this can lead to a skewed understanding of their capabilities, worth, and the trustworthiness of others. For example, a person raised in an emotionally neglectful environment may have the belief “My feelings are not important” or “I am not important”
When we acknowledge the trauma and its impacts on us, we can start becoming whole again. However, to do this, we have to go deep into our psyche, emotions and body. For the reconnection to happen, we need to have a holistic approach. In our future posts, we will explore what is holistic therapy and practices that can support us during this journey of authenticity.